


uncurling lifelines

by Frostandcoal



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Consent is Sexy, Dirty Talk, M/M, Post-Canon, Sexual Discovery, figuring out intimacy, junior!andrew, metaphors liek woah, moving forward, neil is very demi, neil josten style, recent post-canon, sophomore!neil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 01:19:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12001941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frostandcoal/pseuds/Frostandcoal
Summary: That Andrew likes Neil being vocal in bed -- that’s a key, and Neil intends to use it. This is something that Neil can give Andrew, a thing Andrew likes, that doesn’t involve touching or crossing boundaries Andrew is not yet ready for Neil to cross.Besides, if Neil is good at anything besides Exy, it’s running his mouth.Or: Neil learns that Andrew "I'm An Instigator At Heart And So Are You" Minyard might just like hearing Neil express not only his consent, but his enthusiasm, when they're in bed.





	uncurling lifelines

**Author's Note:**

> This is set post-canon but very recently so -- as in, maybe a few months into Neil's sophomore year/Andrew's junior year. I wanted to write something about these two figuring out sex/intimacy, but with an emphasis on inexperience, not past trauma. Yes, there are constraints in place for reasons relating to abuse they've both suffered, but that's not what this story is about. It's about the present, moving forward, and the little ways in which they start to do that. 
> 
> Title from the Florence and the Machine song "Various Storms and Saints" 
> 
> Also I know this starts with like hella dirty talk but I swear it's not really that explicit?? I NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MATURE AND EXPLICIT, SRY?

Neil is lying on his back on the bed, his shirt and armbands off, his jeans unbuttoned and unzipped. Andrew’s hand is on him, and Neil is shuddering and gasping up at the ceiling, head tilted so Andrew can kiss at his neck.

“God, yeah. Don’t -- don’t stop,” Neil pants. “Faster, yeah, like that, _yeah,_ Andrew, fuck, _yes_ \--” Neil moans, hips pushing as he fucks up into Andrew’s fist. Neil’s barely aware that for once he’s saying these things instead of thinking them.

He hears Andrew’s breath hitch, and Andrew’s grip tightens just a little until it’s fucking perfect, and Neil keeps babbling things about  _yes_ and  _so good,_ his head tossing on the pillow, eyes nearly crossing from pleasure.  

Andrew pulls away from Neil’s neck, and Neil is suddenly distracted from his impending orgasm by the look on Andrew’s face -- eyes blurry and pupils blown, mouth parted and his fair skin flushed and _oh,_ maybe that’s something Andrew likes, hearing Neil say in actual words how much he likes what Andrew’s doing to him?

 _Of course it is,_ Neil thinks, hazily, while Andrew drives him closer and closer to the edge. _You know how much he needs to hear you say ‘yes’, why wouldn’t he like hearing just how much you mean it?_

With that in mind, Neil says, “Make me come, Andrew, I’m so close....”

And he knows he’s right when Andrew growls something unintelligible, leans down and kisses Neil hard enough to shut him up as Neil comes hard in his hand.

Neil turns this idea over and over in his head as Andrew gets himself off, his back turned toward Neil. Neil can hear Andrew’s breathing stutter and just barely see his shoulder moving as he jerks himself off next to Neil.

“That felt so good,” he says, softly, and Andrew goes tense and lets out the smallest sound, a gasp Neil has never heard before and ah, yes, so this is a thing.

***

Neither Neil nor Andrew have an easy relationship with touch, and it makes sex a complicated thing, a puzzle with locks that have to be gently opened in just the right order. Andrew is the one holding all the keys, and Neil is patient enough to wait and smart enough to recognize when he’s just been given one.

That Andrew likes Neil being vocal in bed -- that’s a key, and Neil intends to use it. This is something that Neil can give Andrew, a thing Andrew likes, that doesn’t involve touching or crossing boundaries Andrew is not yet ready for Neil to cross.

Besides, if Neil is good at anything besides Exy, it’s running his mouth.

There’s just one small problem -- Neil’s repertoire of things to say in bed is fairly small. Which means it’s time to do some research.

Nicky and Matt have both offered, in different but excruciatingly embarrassing ways, to give Neil sex advice if he needs it. The thought is mortifying, though, and besides -- Neil has the internet and a laptop, all he really needs is an hour or so of free time when he’s alone in his room.

That’s not easy, because they all have similar schedules thanks to practices and if Kevin were to find Neil in his bunk with a laptop and headphones, he’d probably assume Neil was watching Exy and invite himself up onto the bed to watch with him.

The idea of Kevin catching watching him porn is as mortifying as the thought of asking his teammates for sex advice. But Neil finds himself wondering if Kevin has the same sort of exacting standards in bed as he does on the court. He almost feels bad for Thea, until he remembers Thea used to be a Raven, too.

Yeah, they’re probably fine. Scary and intense, but fine.

In the end, Neil skips class and justifies it as being an important part of his education. He doesn’t even know what to look for, but he’s resourceful and has had enough experience by now to make a few guesses about what he might be into.

It only takes about ten minutes before Neil realizes that porn is really not his thing. Some of it -- okay, most of it -- is just ridiculous, and he feels strangely disconnected from what he’s seeing. It’s not arousing because he doesn’t know the people involved. Even earlier, thinking about Kevin and Thea in bed together hadn’t aroused him in the slightest, and Neil knows both Kevin and, to a lesser extent, Thea. And Neil doesn’t think the reason he’s not aroused by the idea is because Thea’s a girl, either. Or because Kevin is -- well. Kevin.

It’s because they’re not Andrew.

Neil clicks on one video featuring a smaller blond guy who maybe kind of looks like Andrew if he squints, but the sight of the larger, muscled man behind him makes him click off the video in a hurry -- there's too much there that will make him angry. He tries a few more sites, manages to get halfway through a video that promises a “vocal bottom” but Neil would rather throw himself off Fox Tower than say _give me that dick and make me your come slut_ out loud, ever. Even to himself.

Neil closes all the various pop-up windows that have appeared throughout his searching, promising him hot man meat mere miles from him, and watches an Exy game instead. Which is smart, because two minutes later Kevin comes back in the room, sees him with his laptop and says, “What game are you watching?” before hopping up on the bed to join him.

That gives him an idea, and when Kevin finishes his scathing commentary on the game and goes to shower, Neil quickly does one more search.

It turns out _exy porn_ is just as bad as regular porn, only annoying because the equipment is wrong and no one could actually ever do that with a racquet if they wanted to use it again. Neil almost, _almost_ shows Kevin just to share his outrage, but at the last minute, Neil regains his sense of self-preservation and closes his laptop.

***

A few nights later, he’s in the kitchen trying to study. Andrew is washing up some dishes, one of which is his ice cream bowl with some remnants of whatever cavity-inducing flavor he’d been eating. He doesn’t bother with the spoon he’s already cleaned, and just runs his fingers around the edge of the bowl to coat them with the ice cream.

Then he sucks them in his mouth.

Neil stares, and keeps staring as Andrew does it again.

The porn Neil watched had absolutely no effect on him, but this -- Neil’s cock starts to harden as he watches Andrew suck his fingers.

Andrew catches his look and raises his eyebrows in silent question.

Neil doesn’t know what to say but seeing that gives him about six possible ideas, so he glances back down at his notes and takes a deep breath to calm himself down. Now is not the time, but later -- yes. Neil smiles like he just scored a goal and tries not to look too eager about going to bed, since it’s only eight-thirty.

Sadly, later ends up having to wait. Kevin turns on what he expects to be Exy coverage and finds a “Riko Moriyama Tribute Video” playing instead. He stands dead-still in the center of the room and watches, clutching the remote in his hand. Kevin spent the summer and the first part of the semester dealing with his complicated feelings about Riko. Neil spent that time trying not to help Kevin get over it by gleefully recounting Riko’s murder, because seriously, _fuck_ Riko Moriyama.

“They should have fucking interviewed me,” Neil bristles angrily. _I could have told them how Riko died way too fucking fast._ He doesn’t say that, because fine, he accepts that Kevin’s feelings about Riko are complicated. He just doesn’t want to listen to them or talk about them, so he reaches over and grabs the remote from Kevin’s hand to turn off the television.

“Let’s go,” Neil says, and Kevin knows where they’re going and follows without a word.

Andrew drives, but he lets the two of them run themselves ragged on the court without participating. Kevin makes a thousand disparaging comments and they set Neil’s teeth on edge, even though he’s trying to remind himself that Kevin is dealing with his feelings through Exy and that, if nothing else, is something Neil understands.

It’s still annoying.

When they get back, Neil is too exhausted to do anything but fall into bed.

That’s not the case the next morning when he’s showering, though. Neil leans one hand on the tile and thinks about Andrew’s fingers sliding in and out of his mouth, his own hand moving fast over his hard cock. Just to practice, Neil says, “I got off thinking about you sucking your fingers,” too quietly for anyone to hear over the sound of the water. 

“I want to watch you suck on them,” Neil says, trying it out, and hearing his own voice doesn’t really do anything for him but imagining Andrew hearing it, imagining Andrew _liking_ hearing it -- that sure as hell does.

***

They’re in Columbia, and it’s just the two of them for once. Neil’s in jeans and no shirt, and Andrew is keeping Neil flat on his back with one hand on his chest, the other rubbing at Neil’s cock through his jeans while they’re kissing.

Neil pulls back and noses over so he can kiss Andrew’s neck. “I got off thinking about you in the shower.” He pauses, then clarifies, “I mean, I got off in the shower while I was thinking about you.”

Andrew still for a second, but then his hand slides into Neil’s underwear, fingers curling around Neil’s half-hard cock. “Is that so?”

His voice makes Neil shiver. “Y-yeah, I -- do you want me to tell you about it?” Neil might have been given a key, but he still wants to ask before using it.

“Yes,” Andrew says, and length. He sounds a little like he’s angry, and Neil knows him well enough by now to understand why that might be, and that it doesn’t mean Andrew is lying when he says yes.

“I got off thinking about you sucking on your fingers.”

Andrew tilts his head and looks down at him, his grip light and easy on Neil’s cock. “My own fingers?”

Neil nods. “Like the other night, when you were in the kitchen.”

Of course Andrew remembers that, he remembers everything.

“I thought about you doing it in front of me,” Neil continues, and breath hissing between his teeth as Andrew starts moving his hand slow, so fucking slow, _God._

Andrew glances at Neil’s mouth, then back at him. “Did you.”

“Yeah,” says Neil, even though it isn’t a question. “It felt good, but not -- mmm -- as good as when you make me.” He hides a smile of quiet triumph when Andrew’s face starts to flush -- as impassive as he is, there are some things even he can’t hide.

Andrew takes his hand off Neil’s chest and slides two fingers into his own mouth. His eyes are fixed on Neil’s, unblinking, as he slowly pulls them out.

It’s the sexiest fucking thing Neil’s ever seen, he almost comes. “Fuck, yeah, like -- like that. Do it again?”

Andrew looks as if he’s considering it, but he’s contrary as a rule so Neil has no idea if he will or not. He doesn’t -- with his left hand, at least. Instead, he pulls his hand out of Neil’s pants -- the fucker -- and repeats the gesture with two fingers on his right hand, watching Neil the entire time.

“Yeah. Like -- like that.” Neil reaches down to press a hand against his cock through his boxer-briefs. The fabric is wet, and maybe that should embarrass him but it doesn’t because he can’t stop staring at Andrew’s fingers.

“Take those off,” Andrew says, and Neil’s fuzzy brain catches up a moment later when he realizes what Andrew’s telling him to do. He raises up a bit and shoves his jeans and underwear down his hips, kicking a bit to get them off.

He’s a lot more comfortable being naked in front of Andrew than he was the first time, especially when Andrew sucks on his fingers again and then - oh - reaches down and wraps them around Neil’s cock. They’re wet from his mouth and Neil’s hips move, he’s bucking himself up into Andrew’s fist and biting his own lip so hard he’s worried he’s going to make himself bleed.

As long as Andrew doesn’t stop, Neil doesn’t care.

Andrew is watching him, eyes flickering between where he’s jacking Neil off and Neil’s face, which Neil can feel is flushed red.

It’s not going to take Neil very long to come and he knows it, can already feel it building when Andrew lifts his other hand and taps two fingers on Neil’s bottom lip. “Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Neil pants, the sound wrecked, and opens his mouth.

Andrew’s fingers slide in slow against Neil’s tongue. Andrew’s skin tastes slightly salty a little like cigarette smoke. The weight of them in Neil’s mouth is unfamiliar, strange, and he likes it so much he moans.

Andrew starts pulling his fingers out of Neil’s mouth, pauses, and then slides them back inside.  Then he says, very quietly, “Suck.”

Neil wants to say something, but Andrew’s stolen all his words with just the one. He moans again, the sound muffled by Andrew’s fingers. A few seconds later Andrew pulls his hand away, which is a good thing because Neil comes so hard he might have accidentally bitten Andrew’s fingers off if he hadn't.

Neil blinks himself out of his orgasm, feeling the pulse of his blood in his fingertips and his toes, and he can feel Andrew next to him, lying on his side and his face pressed against Neil’s neck. Neil can feel Andrew’s elbow moving, it brushes against him a few times as Andrew gets himself off and Neil says, “I liked sucking on your fingers, did it feel good?,” and smiles a little when Andrew growls something and bites him on the shoulder, body tensing as he comes, his breath spilling hot on Neil’s skin.

He waits a minute and then sits up, intending to go to the shower and give Andrew the time he usually needs to himself after they do this. But this time, Andrew’s hand comes out and pushes down on Neil’s chest. “Stay.”

Neil goes still, eyes wide. Andrew barely moves, he’s still dressed and his face is still pushed into Neil’s neck and shoulder. The hand on Neil’s sternum is trembling slightly, and Andrew’s breathing hasn’t calmed, but Neil trusts Andrew meant it when he told Neil to stay, so he stays.

Gradually, the tremble in Andrew’s hand fades and his breathing evens out. “Okay,” he says, and Neil takes that as his cue to get up and give Andrew space. Neil slides out of the bed and walks to the bathroom on shaking legs, grateful that Andrew has the one en-suite bathroom in the house because he’s not sure he could walk much farther than this.

Neil takes a shower, puts on his sweatpants and a t-shirt and pads back into the bedroom. Andrew is perched on his desk by his open window and smoking. He doesn’t look at Neil, and Neil doesn’t do much more than glance at him on his way back to the rumpled bed. He knows not to take Andrew’s distance personally, especially not tonight, when they’ve done something new.

Andrew smokes and then takes a shower, and then comes back to bed. He leaves his bands off, and shoves at Neil to get him in the right spot before he climbs in behind him so his back is to the wall.

Finally, he says, “You’ve become awfully chatty.”

“Yeah,” Neil says, even though it’s not really a question. “And you like it.”

Andrew is quiet, and Neil frowns a little, because he knows Andrew has problems admitting when he likes something -- having his neck kissed, _Neil --_ but he honestly doesn’t want to do anything wrong.

“Andrew?” Neil rolls over to look at him. “I won’t do it if you don’t want me to.”

“I hate you,” Andrew says, then pulls him in and kisses him, fingers like a bruise on the back of Neil's neck. “And don’t be stupid. You won’t do anything I don’t want you to do.”

That is, in Andrew-speak, as close to a _yes, I liked it,_ as Neil knows he’s going to get. It’s enough, and he makes a happy sound against Andrew’s mouth. Andrew, of course, bites him in retaliation, but not hard.

Neil pulls away and admits, “I tried to watch porn but it was terrible.”

“It usually is,” Andrew says. It’s dark but Neil can see his frown.  “Why were you watching it in the first place?”

Neil shrugs. “You know this is all new to me. I thought maybe I could get ideas about stuff to say in bed. You know. Stuff I could say that you might like to hear.”

Andrew reaches out and tangles his fingers in Neil’s hair, then pulls Neil down and presses his mouth to Neil’s without actually kissing him. A heartbeat later, he says,  “You already say it, Neil. Every time.”

Warmth suffuses him. “I know why you _need_ to hear me say yes,” Neil says, and tries not to wince as Andrew pulls his hair in response -- it’s not painful, but it’s a clear warning that Andrew’s ability to have this conversation is nearing an end. “I want to find things you _like_ to hear, too.”

Andrew goes still, and Neil breathes through the sting of his fingers in his hair. “I like it, too,” he says, a hint of anger burning the edges of the words.

Neil knows what it costs Andrew to do this -- have conversations about sex, about the two of them, about this _thing_ that is the air in Neil’s lungs, the only breath he thinks he needs to survive -- and he waits, patiently, for Andrew’s grip to relax and his voice to go back to its usual, casual apathy.

Neil waits, and imagines slipping this new key onto his imaginary keyring, and eventually Andrew’s fingers ease up and he runs his fingers, once, through Neil’s hair before moving away.

“You looked up Exy porn, didn’t you,” Andrew says, a few moments later. "Don't lie." 

“Ugh, it was _awful_ ,” Neil says on a yawn, shoving an arm under his pillow and settling down to sleep. “Those guys were wearing hockey gear, for one thing, and I’m pretty sure you can’t actually do any of that stuff with a racquet if you tried.”

“Ask Kevin,” Andrew says. “If anyone would know, he would.”

Neil barks out a laugh. “I’d rather watch you lick ice cream off your fingers any day,” he says, then pauses. “If you want to try to lick your goalkeeper racquet, though, I might be into that.”

“Junkie,” Andrew mutters. “Go to sleep.”  


**Author's Note:**

> I 100% believe that Kevin Day has tried to watch Exy porn and been like >:( because it's factually incorrect and/or ruins equipment. ILU Kevin Day, never change <3


End file.
